Andrew Biggs
Moderator
I was watching the prime time TV news tonight and there was an article about world record holders for things like the one handed clap, how many times a news reader could sign off in 30 seconds, eating the longest piece of string and other equally important world shattering records. It would seem that there is a world record for just about anything you can think of!!
The criteria is threefold. First the record must be repeatable so that others can replicate it. Secondly, it must be beatable and thirdly, it must be verified by at least 2 reliable witnesses
So I got to thinking, as engravers we are not newsworthy as we really don’t hold any world records for anything other than how many gazillion hours we can pour into a job so we are on par with tortoises when it comes to getting from A to B. So we are not exactly renowned for our dazzling speed at anything, but upon further reflection I thought there was one thing we can do…………. and that is cut metal.
So I began to wonder who holds the world’s record for the longest chip of metal before it breaks off in the cut. So after two minutes of intensive research on Google I discovered that this has never been even attempted before. Game on!!!
Secretly craving world acclaim, fame and status and my name forever in the Guinness Book of Records I decided that this was something that I could actually do (I quickly discounted climbing Mount Everest blindfolded with no legs or arms to aid me and the worlds highest freefall without a parachute)
So, it was out to the workshop, sand up a practice plate, mark a continuous spiral and I was ready to go. After a few limbering up exercises and a carefully crafted diet of coffee and cigarettes to build my energy levels up to peak performance…………..I started cutting. It was demanding work and the pressure was unbearable………..after all, this was no ordinary cut, this was a world record cut.
Approximately 10 seconds later of intensive concentration and cutting it was over and I had a chip 28mm long (approx just over 1inch) I scientifically measured the cut with a piece of string and then rang my mother in Australia as she is the most reliable person I know, to verify that I had indeed made the worlds first recorded longest chip. When I told her how long it was she agreed with me and this was promptly confirmed again when my mum rung my older brother who also lives in Australia.
So there you have it folks…………Andrew Biggs is now the current longest chip world record holder. Fame at last!!!! The down side is that I’m now stalked by paparazzi and Mary is also getting tired of gorgeous women throwing themselves at me………. but such is the price of fame and one has to just grin and bear it.
So if any of you wish to give this a go and enter the inaugural "longest chip world championships" and break my world record of the longest chip then please post your results here. It’s actually quite fun to do.
Cheers
Andrew
(Current world record holder for the longest chip)
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